How have I changed since quitting drinking?

I've almost reached the end of my first sober year and  I am so grateful that I woke up to the fact that alcohol was no longer adding value to my life and instead was eroding my self-belief, confidence and happiness. I am thankful that I found the courage to acknowledge and address this and I am glad that I believed that my life could be better.  Since January, hope has been my wing-man.

Over the past year, I feel I have emerged from a slightly fragile and brittle shell and slowly, slowly I have evolved into someone strong, self-assured and courageous.  I had had glimpses of that person over the years but alcohol had muted her by welcoming in self-doubt, fear and shame.  Now, for the first time in my whole life, I can honestly say I am content to be me, I am proud to be me and I like myself.  That's quite a statement from someone who has spent so much time not feeling good enough, clever enough, pretty enough, slim enough, witty enough - you name it enough.  Quitting drinking has allowed me to tap into the person that already existed beneath the layers of insecurities and self-loathing, which were continually being added to by alcohol.

As a result, the main differences I have noticed in myself today versus a year ago are as follow:

Positivity

I have always been adept at over-thinking situations and catastrophising but since stopping drinking my busy mind has calmed down and I no longer  jump to the most negative conclusion and paint the bleakest picture (I wrote about this change in this blog).  Nowadays I rarely dwell on stuff and I am far more likely to put a positive spin on situations and as a result I feel excited about life rather than anxious about what might be, but very probably won't be.

Confidence

This year I have worked hard at being kinder to myself and altering my damaging self-talk.  This has been made so much easier without the cruel chitter-chatter that would fill my head, especially when I was hungover.  I discuss the power of positive words in this blog and explain how by altering my internal monologue I have been able to focus on my positive qualities and finally feel accepting of myself as I am.  The end result being that I feel confident, self-assured and fulfilled.

Bravery

Disposing with the crutch that has propped me up has been a challenge in a world infused with alcohol, but one that I have confronted and conquered.  It took a lot of courage to admit that my relationship with alcohol was becoming toxic (see my goodbye to alcohol blog where I bared my soul) and bravery to do something about it.  Once I had managed to tap into these emotions, other things that had appeared impossible suddenly seemed very possible.  These days my response to invitations to try out new experiences will invariably be met with 'why not' rather than refusals.  Now, I am also much more likely to put myself into uncomfortable, unfamiliar situations with the attitude that I have nothing to lose but everything to gain by giving it a go.  Life is far more exciting with bravery as a companion rather than fear.

2018 has changed me into a girl who wears sequins!

None of the changes I have experienced in 2018 have happened in an instance.  They have all been very gradual and were hardly noticeable for a while.  However, as time has passed, they have become more and more evident and now I can see how they are impacting every aspect of my life.  The person who I have evolved into was always hiding away inside but I just needed to alter my habits and thought patterns to coax her out.  I am so excited that I will be entering 2019 as the person I always hoped I could be.