The start of November marks ten full months of being alcohol-free. I haven’t blogged much recently mainly because not drinking has become so normal for me now that it is harder to find interesting topics to write about. However, the other night I was out to dinner with some people I was meeting for the first time and I was sitting beside a gentleman who was not drinking for medical reasons. Surprisingly he didn’t ask me the standard intrusive questions about why I was choosing not to drink (probably because he knows how it feels to be on the receiving end of them), however he did say to me: “Don’t you feel sad that when you arrive at a party now, you know that this is as good as it is going to get when you aren’t drinking?” Basically implying that if you are a non-drinker there is no possibility of your night improving from the moment you walk into the party. What a depressing thought – was my immediate reaction!
I thought back to all the nights out I have had this year as a non-drinker and I realised that I totally disagreed with his sentiment. Regardless of whether you are drinking or not drinking, you are going to have nights when you are totally up for having a raucous night with friends and other times when you simply aren’t in the right frame of mind. There will be times when the company you are with are all gelling and the party just spontaneously erupts over the course of the evening and you will be boosted along on that wave. On the flip side there are times when the party never gets going or it just fizzles out because people are tired, or preoccupied with stress or just in a grump. As a drinker and as a non-drinker, I have experienced both parties where my mood and energy levels have elevated over the course of the evening and those where it’s just not happening.
Admittedly, it has taken time to get used to sober socialising - I didn’t quit drinking and immediately transition into a comfortable booze-free party goer. I have had to learn how to do it and understand which situations I can cope with and which I can’t. I know the kind of gatherings that work for alcohol-free me and those that don’t. Parties in bars or restaurants where it is easy to talk to people work, whereas those where I am crammed into a packed, noisy bar full of drunk people, absolutely don’t. I enjoy meeting new people but I find parties where I know a good group of people preferable to deal with than those where I only know a small handful. I have never been very good at working a roomful of strangers and I used to rely heavily on the false confidence given to me by alcohol to prop me up in those kinds of situations. There have been a couple of times this year where I have been brave and I’ve forced myself along to parties where I haven’t known many people but I end up feeling desperately self-conscious and uncomfortable, so I would rather avoid them now if I can. Most importantly, I only truly enjoy sober socialising if I know I have an escape route. I have to know how I can extract myself and get home when the booze truly kicks in and people start repeating themselves, saying things they would never say sober or just stop making sense. The drinkers don’t want me around at that point as much as I absolutely don’t want to be around them to witness it, so it’s a win-win for everyone if I have a getaway plan.
Before I stopped drinking for a sustained period of time I might have agreed with the notion that as a non-drinker there is no possibility of your night getting better from that first moment when you walk into the party. However, having become quite the expert at sober socialising, I now find it easier and easier to relax and be part of the crowd without a glass of wine in my hand. I can hand on heart say that partying sober is no different to partying with booze except that you are: guaranteed not to make an idiot of yourself; you will remember everything; you will leave at the right time; and you will wake up feeling clear headed with no shame or regrets. What’s not to love about that!
I thought back to all the nights out I have had this year as a non-drinker and I realised that I totally disagreed with his sentiment. Regardless of whether you are drinking or not drinking, you are going to have nights when you are totally up for having a raucous night with friends and other times when you simply aren’t in the right frame of mind. There will be times when the company you are with are all gelling and the party just spontaneously erupts over the course of the evening and you will be boosted along on that wave. On the flip side there are times when the party never gets going or it just fizzles out because people are tired, or preoccupied with stress or just in a grump. As a drinker and as a non-drinker, I have experienced both parties where my mood and energy levels have elevated over the course of the evening and those where it’s just not happening.
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| My first sober hen party |
Before I stopped drinking for a sustained period of time I might have agreed with the notion that as a non-drinker there is no possibility of your night getting better from that first moment when you walk into the party. However, having become quite the expert at sober socialising, I now find it easier and easier to relax and be part of the crowd without a glass of wine in my hand. I can hand on heart say that partying sober is no different to partying with booze except that you are: guaranteed not to make an idiot of yourself; you will remember everything; you will leave at the right time; and you will wake up feeling clear headed with no shame or regrets. What’s not to love about that!
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