I have recently been approached by a couple of friends who have asked for my advice on giving up alcohol. Now that I have completed 3/4 of the year without having drunk a single drop of alcohol, I feel fairly well qualified to outline what I believe has been the key to my success. Here is my guide based on my experience:
Work out why you want to make this change and try to keep focused on the end goal. My many reasons for deciding to quit are outlined in this blog. In short, drinking was making me feel increasingly anxious, fearful, incapable and overwhelmed with self-loathing and shame. I wanted to start liking myself again and to feel confident and robust. Throughout this year, if I've felt even a minute craving for a drink, I have reminded myself about just how shit I used to feel and just how fabulous I feel now. There is no way I want to go back to the me I was this time last year. So think about what you want to get out of going sober and focus on the long term gains.
There is definitely a lot more I could add to this blog but it will end up being the longest blog ever so this is my starter for ten guide. Basically by getting sober your life will not be the same as it was before, but trust me, it will be so much better.
1) Be determined
You need to be 100% committed to stopping drinking as this is not going to be easy. You will be going against what has become society's norm and at the outset this could make you feel isolated and excluded. You are going to have to get used to a new kind of normal - one where you don't unwind, de-stress, celebrate, commiserate, relieve boredom, numb pain etc. with a glass or ten of your favourite tipple.Work out why you want to make this change and try to keep focused on the end goal. My many reasons for deciding to quit are outlined in this blog. In short, drinking was making me feel increasingly anxious, fearful, incapable and overwhelmed with self-loathing and shame. I wanted to start liking myself again and to feel confident and robust. Throughout this year, if I've felt even a minute craving for a drink, I have reminded myself about just how shit I used to feel and just how fabulous I feel now. There is no way I want to go back to the me I was this time last year. So think about what you want to get out of going sober and focus on the long term gains.
2) Change your perception about alcohol
During my first few months of sobriety, I voraciously read endless 'quit lit'. There were four books that were complete game changers for me in terms of changing my perception of alcohol and toppling it from the pedestal I had placed it on for my entire adult life.- The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley: This is an autobiography written by an old work colleague and as we had both been indoctrinated in the same advertising agency binge drinking culture, it was very relatable. It is beautifully honest and revealing, combining witty anecdotes with insightful research and offers great tips and advice for those looking to make the change to a sober life.
- Kick the Drink... Easily! by Jason Vale: This book was a complete eye-opener for me. Vale takes a look at how we are conditioned to accept that alcohol is a normal substance, despite the fact that it is a highly addictive drug and the major cause of many of our social problems and health issues. By helping you change the way you see alcohol, he makes it easy to enjoy the process of quitting drinking.
- This Naked Mind: Control Alcohol by Annie Grace: This book is a slightly more high brow version of Vale's 'Kick the Drink'. In short Grace investigates how millions of people worry about the affect drinking has on their health but are unwilling to change due to the stigma associated with alcoholism and recovery. She shatters the illusion that drinking less will be boring, hard and involve significant lifestyle changes.
- The Unexpected Joy of being Sober by Catherine Gray: This is another honest and very well-written memoir of a young woman's experience of getting sober, portraying her journey in a really positive light with some easy to follow and well researched advice for anyone seeking to lead a sober lifestyle.
3) Be positive
It is vital to keep positive to stop yourself falling back into drinking. Think about the language you are using. As I explained in this earlier blog the words we use are extremely important. For example, I haven't once allowed myself to think or say out loud sentences like - "I'm going to try to stop drinking" or "I probably won't drink" - I've unwaveringly stuck to assertive language like - "I'm going to stop drinking", "I'm not going to drink" and "I don't drink". Words matter and the words we choose can either lift us up or drag us down.
Make sure you are consistently looking forward to the positive outcomes of stopping drinking - and I can guarantee, there will be many. If you are only concentrating on what you think you could be missing, you will only miss out on what you would be gaining. Quitting drinking will enhance your life rather than diminish it.
This time last year I gave up drinking for seven weeks and I didn't feel robust enough to defend my decision to stop drinking. Instead I chose to tell people that I was on a pre-Christmas weight loss regime and this managed to fend off the pressure to drink. In contrast, at the start of this year I decided to announce from the outset that I was stopping drinking for a year. Apart from the initial haranguing and general consternation, this has worked well as once I announced my resolve, I felt far more compelled to stick to it. In addition, it has short cut the need for repeated conversations about why I'm not partaking.
For me, I found it easiest to keep a fairly low profile during the first couple of months of getting sober and keeping myself out of temptation's way. I discovered other ways to occupy myself rather than hanging out in bars. For example I threw myself into yoga and hiking, I read a lot, I watched films and I ate a lot of cake and chocolate! For the times when I was compelled to go out, then I always made sure I had an escape plan up my sleeve if things got tough.
Quitting drinking will deliver so much but don't expect everything to happen immediately. Have a little patience and you will soon start to reap the rewards.
Make sure you are consistently looking forward to the positive outcomes of stopping drinking - and I can guarantee, there will be many. If you are only concentrating on what you think you could be missing, you will only miss out on what you would be gaining. Quitting drinking will enhance your life rather than diminish it.
4) Be prepared
When you have been one of the instigators and prime participators in drunken debauchery, you might find yourself coming up against resistance from your former drinking buddies and vulnerable to peer pressure. You need to think about what you are going to tell people and how you are going to deflect the compulsion to drink. If you aren't properly armed, it is desperately easy to fall back to your default position and you will be back to square one.This time last year I gave up drinking for seven weeks and I didn't feel robust enough to defend my decision to stop drinking. Instead I chose to tell people that I was on a pre-Christmas weight loss regime and this managed to fend off the pressure to drink. In contrast, at the start of this year I decided to announce from the outset that I was stopping drinking for a year. Apart from the initial haranguing and general consternation, this has worked well as once I announced my resolve, I felt far more compelled to stick to it. In addition, it has short cut the need for repeated conversations about why I'm not partaking.
For me, I found it easiest to keep a fairly low profile during the first couple of months of getting sober and keeping myself out of temptation's way. I discovered other ways to occupy myself rather than hanging out in bars. For example I threw myself into yoga and hiking, I read a lot, I watched films and I ate a lot of cake and chocolate! For the times when I was compelled to go out, then I always made sure I had an escape plan up my sleeve if things got tough.
5) Be patient
The old adage goes 'good things come to those who wait' and over the course of this year I can vouch for the fact that this is undeniably true. Back in April I wrote this blog that talked about the changes I had experienced during my first four months of sobriety including: feeling happy; looking less bloated; reduced cellulite; glowing skin; healthier hair; and an improved ability to tan (weird but scientifically proven!). After six months I looked back on the things I had managed to achieve since being alcohol-free and you can find those in these two blogs. Now a further three months down the line I have started to put my energy into cutting out the chocolate and cake, eating healthily and getting fit. I have dropped a dress size in the past two months and feel bursting with energy and confidence as a result. |
| This is how sober me rolls on a Friday night! |
Quitting drinking will deliver so much but don't expect everything to happen immediately. Have a little patience and you will soon start to reap the rewards.
6) Be realistic
Finally, be realistic about your expectations of what an alcohol-free life will look like. Being sober doesn't wave a magic wand and make your problems disappear. Life is still going to throw curve balls your way that you are going to need to tackle. At first, you may well find it tough dealing with life without your good old trusty crutch, alcohol. Everything can appear in sharp focus and a little scary without booze blurring the edges. You may also find that you are going to have to face up to some issues that you might have suppressed for many years with alcohol. I know I did and my therapy has been writing my blog to process those emotions. Just be prepared for this and find ways to get support through this. There are some really supportive and completely non-judgemental closed Facebook groups such as Club Soda Together, One Year No Beer and Women Who Don't Drink, which I have found incredibly helpful when I have been struggling.There is definitely a lot more I could add to this blog but it will end up being the longest blog ever so this is my starter for ten guide. Basically by getting sober your life will not be the same as it was before, but trust me, it will be so much better.
