How to make it easier to recognise and address problem drinking

This week the BBC showed a documentary called 'Drinkers Like Me', in which the TV presenter Adrian Chiles explores his relationship with alcohol.  In the words of the BBC, Chiles wants 'to find out why he and many others don't think they are addicted to alcohol, despite finding it almost impossible to enjoy life without it'.  I actually found it pretty depressing viewing as it did almost nothing to investigate the potential for living a happy life without booze, but it did successfully highlight some of the issues I have been reflecting on since I have become sober.  Primarily, it helped to clarify some of the ways we could make it easier for people, who may have an inkling that their alcohol consumption is slightly problematic, to acknowledge and address the issue.

Redefine the term alcoholic 

Throughout the documentary people were stressing that they couldn't be alcoholics because they weren't getting into fights, waking up in shop doorways, vomiting or drinking Sambuca first thing in the morning.  They were all clinging to the fact that because their drinking habits weren't as extreme as more hard core drinkers, they were OK.  This is something I battled with myself before I got sober.  However, I have realised that alcohol addiction has many shades of grey - we don't need to be drinking vodka from a coffee cup at breakfast time to have a problem with alcohol.

I think more should be done to educate people on what 'alcoholic' actually means.  If you look up 'alcoholism' in the dictionary, it defines it as 'addiction to the consumption of alcoholic drink; alcohol dependency' , and if you look up 'alcoholic' the definition given is 'someone who regularly drinks too much alcohol and has difficulty stopping'.  Well, I was definitely dependent on alcohol to help me navigate life: to make me happy, to help me relax, to give me confidence, to help me celebrate, to enable me to bond with people, and to drown my sorrows.  If I hadn't been dependent it wouldn't have been so hard to get used to living a sober life. I also used to drink twice a week and I regularly failed to find my off switch.  That would make me an alcoholic.

Just because we aren't as bad as the most extreme cases, doesn't mean there isn't a problem that needs to be addressed.  If there was more clarity around the signs that indicate we are developing a problematic relationship with alcohol, it would be easier for people to act on it.

Remove the stigma attached to quitting drinking

In the documentary Chiles points out that alcohol is 'the only drug you have to apologise for not taking'.  Tell me about it Mr Chiles!  Over the past eight months I have lost count of the times I have been blatantly interrogated and judged for my decision to go sober.  Ironically, those of us who have quit drinking are the ones who don't actually have an alcohol problem any more!

Last week, The Lancet published research called 'Alcohol use and burden for 195 countries and territories, 1990–2016: a systematic analysis for the Global Burden of Disease Study 2016'.  This large new global study has confirmed previous research which has shown that there is no safe level of alcohol consumption. The research found that moderate drinking may protect against heart disease but found that the risk of cancer and other diseases outweighs these protections.

This research has been publicised globally and it is being heralded as 'the most important study ever conducted on the subject'.  It is time we faced up to the real dangers of alcohol and applaud rather than ostracise non-drinkers.

Highlight the positives of sober socialising

Throughout the documentary we are introduced to people who admit to finding it impossible to enjoy life without alcohol and Chiles really struggles with the idea of moving away from the allure of the social side of drinking.  Alcohol is so ingrained in our culture that it is the accompaniment to pretty much everything.  However, what does it say about us if we can only enjoy ourselves with a drink in our hand?

Over the past eight months I have experienced sober birthday parties, formal dinners, casual dinners, work events, karaoke, wedding anniversaries etc.  I can honestly say I have had just as much fun as I would have had if I had been drinking, but with the added bonus of remembering everything, not making an idiot of myself and waking up hangover free.  Additionally, I haven't wasted the next day in bed or on the sofa feeling sorry for myself and fretting about what I may have said or done.

Going against the crowd and quitting drinking is tough and at times quite isolating.  It takes bravery, determination and a very strong-will to stand up to the criticism and judgement and set yourself outside the group.  However, that doesn't mean you can't still go out and join in the fun - enjoyable sober socialising is 100% possible.

Sober socialising - just me drinking water by a barrel of wine!

Despite the fact that Adrian Chiles didn't look into living a sober lifestyle, it is really encouraging that documentaries such as this are being commissioned and people are being challenged to reflect on their drinking habits.  I am sure that eventually non-drinkers will become part of the mainstream and we will look back on our drinking culture with consternation.  We just have a bit of a way to go still.

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Six things to do when sobriety becomes tough

Over the past couple of weeks I've felt a bit flat and moody.  I think the pink cloud - the euphoric feeling of being sober - has well and truly passed and made way for a slightly grey English drizzle.  I'm getting pissed off with going out and explaining to strangers why I decided to get sober and then listening to them telling me exactly why they don't think they have a drink problem. I DON'T CARE but maybe they should ask themselves why they are telling me this! I'm completely over being lectured that I should just moderate my alcohol consumption by people who are necking double whiskeys like water and not picking up on the irony of the situation.  I'm over being asked when I'm going to start drinking again... I'M NOT.  But most of all, I'm fucked off that when life throws me a curve ball now, I have no way of dulling the pain and numbing myself to what's going on.

Don't get me wrong, I have a fabulous life and I'm extremely grateful for the opportunities I have and the amazing husband, friends and family I have around me.  I am #blessed!  However, recently something rather scary and horrible has happened and I am finding it hard to deal with the fact that I have to face this head on and I can't/won't just reach for the bottle.  Right now, I would like nothing more than to drown myself in wine rather than listen to the over dramatic voices in my head that are unrelenting fearmongerers, who have taken to waking me up at 3am.  It would be a great release to be able to bury my head in the booze and block out the noise.  However, I have no intention of starting drinking again as I know that it will provide nothing more than a temporary reprieve and the repercussions will make everything so much harder to cope with.

So here is what I am attempting to do to deal with the fact that the pink clouds have passed and I have to face up to reality without a booze crutch.

1)  Writing down how I feel

Just by bashing these words out onto my blog is helping me to process my emotions and make me feel a bit better about life.  Throughout my teens and twenties I kept diaries that I used for this purpose, but somewhere along the line I stopped.  It is a great emotional release, rather therapeutic and a good way to organise my chaotic thought processes.

2) Talking about how I feel

Today, I realised that I couldn't bottle up how I was feeling any longer and I vomited out what has been bothering me to my husband and later to a friend.  It didn't necessarily come out as I would have liked it to have done. In retrospect I probably should have written it all down first, then once my emotions were a little more ordered, I could have discussed things more logically.  However, just getting my worries out in the open has helped.

3) Taking exercise

In the past week I have been exercising like crazy in an attempt to access some feel good hormones and keep myself busy. Undoubtedly the hiking, swimming and circuits have given me a bit of a lift so I will carry on throwing myself into exercise to keep improving my mental state.

4) Setting aside time to meditate

OK, so I haven't done this yet but I do know that when life gets tricky and the worrywarts invade my head, then setting aside twenty minutes a day for a guided meditation definitely helps.  So, I'm going to start focusing on this again now.

5) Keeping myself busy 

To try to distract myself from the negative thoughts that could potentially trigger me to start drinking again I've been keeping myself busy by cooking.  My husband is loving this as he is coming home to nice healthy home cooked food. The only downside is that when I run out of meals to cook I end up baking unhealthy stuff like chocolate brownies, resulting in me eating my own body weight in delicious gooey brownies.

6) Pampering myself

And finally, there is absolutely no harm in setting aside a bit of 'me' time.  With the money I save through not drinking, I can afford to treat myself every now and then to a relaxing foot massage, manicure or facial. So rather than heading to a bar, a good calming distraction is a nice long foot massage.

Having a footie...

Going against the grain and becoming a non-drinker has its ups and downs.  While the ups definitely outweigh the downs, that doesn't mean that there aren't times when I find it difficult.  I am in the midst of a down at the moment and I hope that in time it will pass and I can start to feel more positive about life.  In the meantime, for those close to me, please bear with me.  I am struggling so please be a bit gentle with me for a while.

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My top ten alcohol-free drinks

I was recently contacted by a member of my family who told me that she is planning to stop drinking alcohol for at least a year and asked  "but what do you drink instead? I get so bored of water!".  After seven months of sobriety, it didn't take me long to put together a long list of suggestions.  The world is definitely geared up for non-drinkers nowadays, with more alcohol-free drinks options being introduced the whole time.  The UK leads the way over Hong Kong but I have found great alternatives to booze in both countries, so here are my top ten alcohol-free drinks in no particular order.

1.  Becks Blue 

Beer was rarely my drink of choice unless I was watching rugby and couldn't be arsed to fight my way to the bar very often.  However, one of my favourite booze-free tipples has turned out to be alcohol-free beer.  I've sampled quite a few including: Erdinger Alkohol Frei and Bitberger Drive (wheat beers); Bintang 0.0%, Free Damm, San Miguel 0.0% , Amstel Free, Becks Blue (lagers); and Vetlins (pilsner).  My favourite is definitely Becks Blue, which tastes just like regular Becks (in my opinion anyway).  Unfortunately I haven't managed to find this in Hong Kong yet but hopefully one day I can get it there too.  This has been my go to drink in the UK this summer.

2. Crodino

One of my favourite drinks for the past few years has been Aperol Spritz, and Crodino, made by the Campari Group, is a great alcohol-free alternative.  The first time I tasted Crodino I was so convinced that I was actually drinking an Aperol Spritz that I had to check and double check that I hadn't accidently picked up someone's Aperol. Unfortunately it hasn't been very easy to track down Crodino in Hong Kong (in the UK you can order it on Amazon), however I am fortunate enough to have an awesome Italian friend who personally imports it for me when she goes back home to Italy.

3. San Pellegrino Chinotto

I stumbled across Chinotto by accident at Stazione Novella, our favourite bar in Hong Kong.  Apparently Chinotto has been around since the 1950s and is made from the extracts of Chinotto oranges.  I like it because it is bitter/sweet and a really unusual flavour.  

4.  Sanbitter

In my opinion, the Italians know how to cater for the non-drinker in style.  Sanbitter is similar to Campari and I like it with lots of ice, a slice of orange and a splash of soda water.  It is quite bitter but really refreshing and a delicious aperitif.  I have found this, or a similar product, for sale in Il Bel Paese in Hong Kong.  

5. M&S Sparkling Summer Cup Mocktail

I have always loved Pimms.  Throughout my life in England it was the marker that summer had finally arrived, so there is a certain amount of nostalgia attached to the drink.  As such, I was overjoyed when I bought a four pack of M&S Sparkling Summer Cup Mocktail to discover it tasted exactly like Pimms.  Having found this I literally stripped M&S's shelves of the product and lived off it for about a month so now I'm a bit sick of it.  However, by next summer I'll be ready to reintroduce this into my booze-free repertoire!

6. Stowford Press 0.5%

Going to school in the West Country, cider was my starter drink and it has always been one of my go to drinks, despite its high calorie count.  I have tried Sainsbury's Low Alcohol Cider, which is slightly sweeter than I like but still very cider-y rather than apple-juicy and refreshing.  Stowford Press is better still and only 81 calories per bottle versus around 140 calories for regular cider.

7. Kopparberg Mixed Fruit Cider (alcohol free)

I've also enjoyed Kopparberg's fruity ciders, particularly in a pub beer garden or at a barbecue in the summer.  Therefore I was so happy to see that Kopparberg make alcohol free versions of a few of their fruity ciders.  Poured over a lot of ice, Kopparberg mixed fruit ciders are super refreshing.  They are easy to come by in supermarkets in the UK but I haven't managed to find them in Hong Kong yet.

8. Sainsbury's Alcohol Free Sparkling Wine

As someone who was firmly on the Prosecco-drinking band wagon, I have been keen to find a substitute.  However, finding an alternative has proved challenging.  In Hong Kong I found The Bees Knees Alcohol Free Sparkling Wine at CitySuper but was really disappointed as I felt it tasted more like a pear cider than a sparkling wine.  Back in the UK I bought a bottle of Nosecco - alcohol-free prosecco - to try.  However, before I could get my hands on it, my family went on a prosecco bender and, failing to read the Nosecco label, polished off the entire bottle before realising it was alcohol-free.  They reported back that it was revolting (despite not leaving a drop of it for me) so I haven't bought another bottle to sample.  I did buy some Alcohol Free Sparkling Wine from Sainsbury's, which is OK but a bit Asti Spumante tasting.  It might improve with a few drops of Angostura Bitters to take away some of the sweetness.  While I definitely haven't found an adequate prosecco alternative, at least you can blend in at a celebration when you are drinking something like this.  Oh, and it is less than a quarter of the price of a bottle of prosecco.

9. Sainsbury's Taste the Difference Aromatised Low Alcohol* Cabernet Sauvignon Wine

I have tried and tried but I just can't find a really good low alcohol* or de-alcoholised* red, white or rose wine.  I have sampled a few, including Eisberg, but all of them have a bit of a sweet grape juice flavour to them.  However, what I have discovered is that when you mix Sainsbury's Low Alcohol Cab Sav with lemonade, some orange slices and ice, it makes a fairly authentic and very yummy sangria.  I have shared my non-alcoholic sangria with various drinkers this summer who were surprised at how good it was.  Alternatively, if you pour this wine over ice and tell yourself it's a refreshing fruity drink rather than a red wine, it makes quite a tasty aperitif. 

10. Kombucha 

Apparently fermented foods are a big thing right now so Kombucha, a fermented tea drink, must be bang on trend.  There has been a lot of talk about Kombucha on the Facebook sober groups and I have to admit to being rather sceptical - fermented tea sounds disgusting.  However, I saw Kombucha in M&S a couple of weeks ago and picked up a couple of cans to sample it.  I have to admit that I was pleasantly surprised how good it was.  Also, although I haven't tried these yet, Jonny Wilkinson has just launched his own Kombucha drinks brand which you can buy in Sainsbury's.

Apart from the drinks I've highlighted above, my alcohol-free drinks of choice are mocktails and many of the Hong Kong mixologists are creating the most amazing non-alcoholic cocktails - maybe I'll write a blog about the best bars for mocktails in Hong Kong, I'll enjoy doing that research!

These days, there are so many great alcohol-free and low alcohol* options that non-drinkers are spoilt for choice.  For those living in the UK, Canada or USA, you can sample and buy lots of alcohol-free drinks from the Dry Drinker website, or find out about other booze-free options by visiting Club Soda.

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* UK drinks labelling is really confusing.  As it stands, the rules in force across the UK (Regulation 42 and Schedule 8 of the Food Labelling Regulations 1996) uses the following terms “alcohol-free”, “non-alcoholic”, “dealcoholised” and “low alcohol”.

• ”‘Low alcohol” refers to products between 0.5% and 1.2% ABV.
• “Dealcoholised” refers to products that are 0.5% ABV or less.
• “Alcohol-free” refers to products that are 0.05% ABV or less.
• “Non-alcoholic” refers to products with 0% ABV, but cannot be used for products that are usually alcoholic, such as beer or wine.

Can friendships carry on when you give up drinking?

As time has gone on I have started to adapt to my alcohol free way of life and living without pickling myself in booze has become normal.  When I set out on this new path, there were frequent situations that provoked waves of anxiety but nowadays, these are few and far between.  Having said that, I have spent much of this year feeling slightly anxious about coming back to Europe for the summer and facing my friends in England and Greece, who had not yet encountered sober me.  Since the start, I have seen this as the last major challenge facing me.

My primary criteria for forging friendships over the years has been based on whether people are fun, naughty, loyal, supportive, a touch quirky or crazy (preferably without a formal psychotic diagnosis) and a drinker.  I wanted to fill my life with boisterous party people who didn't take life too seriously but would be by my side when I needed them and vice versa.  The last thing I was looking for were sensible friends who sat in the corner sipping water and judging me as I made a twat of myself in blackout mode. So instead I recruited allies who also failed to find their 'off' switch and were willing to let loose and then call me the next day trying to piece together the events of the night before.  I did a pretty good job of this too!  Needless to say, it never crossed my mind to consider what would happen in the seemingly impossible event that I gave up drinking.  As such, I was fearful that some of my oldest friends would feel uncomfortable with non-drinking me hanging around when they wanted to revel.

Drunken memories with some of my fabulous friends

Fortunately this hasn't been the case and everyone has done a great job of disguising their disappointment that I'm now teetotal.  Almost all of them have been incredibly supportive, buying in alcohol-free drinks for me or taking me to bars with good mocktail options, but otherwise carrying on as if nothing has changed.

It has been undeniably reassuring and a great testament to the strength of these relationships, that although they may have been formed over countless pints of cider, glasses of wine, bottles of vodka and shots of sambuca, the friendships continue to flow even though the booze has ebbed.  The truth is that we have been there for each other through so many life experiences - from heartbreak to love, engagements to marriages, pregnancies and miscarriages to babies, and family dramas to bereavements - that alcohol is merely an ancilliary, it's not the glue that keeps us together.

It has been enlightening to discover that it seems fairly irrelevant that I have stopped drinking and besides, between us all we have enough tales of silly boozy antics to keep us entertained for the remainder of our lives anyway, we really don't need to create any more together!  However, I am more than happy to sit on the sidelines and observe, in a non-judgy way, if they want to carry on.