Why binge drinking is not an effective quick fix

I have always suffered from being a chronic worrier.  Even as a child I was overwhelmed with worries, lying awake at night fretting about the house burning down, or being kidnapped or my parents dying or other similarly far-fetched melodramatic situations.  Much of my early childhood was punctuated with the words, "Mummy, I'm worried".  Worrying followed me into my teenage years and started to morph into overthinking.  For most of my life I have fretted over and overthought pretty much everything, from my appearance, my studies and my career, to my family, my friendships, my relationships and my health.  I believe this has contributed to my anxiety, my raised stress levels, my tendency to be over-sensitive and my mood swings. 

Thirteen year old worrier me

This assumption is backed-up in the book 'Women who think too much' by Nolen-Hoeksema, who goes on to discuss how "Women are twice as likely as men to become severely depressed or anxious, and our tendency to overthink appears to be one of the reasons why".  We live in a society where we are constantly seeking out a quick fix for when we are feeling anxious, unhappy, upset, stressed etc. and research has shown that overthinkers are twice as likely as non-overthinkers to binge on alcohol on a regular basis.  Now that I am clear-headed, it is blatantly apparent that up until 2018, one of my quick fixes to a plethora of different emotional ailments has been binge drinking.  Although binge drinking has invariably dulled the problem and provided a momentary escape, it does in fact exacerbate the problem.  Nolen-Hoeksema, stresses that "alcohol may actually narrow [overthinkers] attention on their worries" and research by Steele & Josephs talks about alcohol myopia whereby alcohol actually heightens awareness and perception of worries and magnifies them so they become bigger and worse than before.  Therefore for the past couple of decades I have been in a slowly descending vortex of worrying, overthinking, self-medicating with alcohol, worrying, overthinking, self-medicating with alcohol and so on.

Self-medicating!

When I look at it like this, it is hardly surprising that my mental health has improved so dramatically over the past six months since I have removed alcohol from the equation.  Before I stopped drinking, I had what Buddhists have referred to as 'monkey mind' - an unsettled, restless, confused mind filled with fretting monkeys clamouring for attention and pointing out all the negative consequences of just about everything.  Now that alcohol has been extracted, my head has quietened and calmed and I am capable of thinking far more rationally.  Of course, I still worry about things - I am a natural born worrier - but I can now apply logic and gain a more balanced perspective.

It has taken me far too many years to realise that alcohol is not the answer to any of my problems and it is in fact the foundation of many of them.  Over the past few months I have been stunned by just how much my life has changed for the better since I gave up drinking and equally how my allegiance to the bottle has been completely shattered along the way.  The positivity, confidence and fortitude that I feel on an almost daily basis now far outweighs the desire to drink ever again.

Ten reasons why I love alcohol-free weekends

I started writing a blog today but the words just weren't flowing so I thought I'd try making a vlog instead all about my weekend and why I love alcohol-free weekends.

Take a look at my latest vlog about my alcohol-free weekend...

In short the reasons why I love my alcohol-free weekends are:

1. I'm not debilitated by hangovers
2. I have so much more time to do things when I'm not feeling hungover and rubbish
3. I am so much more productive and capable of doing things
4. I don't keep putting off the rubbish chores
5. I am able to properly catch up on sleep and rest before the week ahead
6. I am happy and pleasant to be around
7. I enjoy watching my friends get drunk and not being one of the chief participants
8. I love waking up early and reading in bed with a cuppa - this may be an age thing!
9. I feel great all the time so the world is my oyster
10. Did I mention that I DON'T GET HANGOVERS!!

Watch my vlog where I ramble around these points....

How do you know when it's time to stop drinking alcohol?

Since I have stopped drinking, it has been fascinating to see the different effect it has had on my friends, family and people I meet.  

The curious - but why don't you drink?

People are very curious as to my motivation for stopping drinking - maybe silently wondering if I was downing vodka with my morning coffee and squirrelling away cans of Special Brew?  However, I also sense that some people are probing or looking for some guidance as to how I knew when enough was enough with my drinking.

Sometimes I suggest people read my 'Goodbye to alcohol letter' that talks about the deterioration of my relationship with drinking and summarises why it was time to stop.  But generally I explain that alcohol was no longer making me feel good, instead it was making me feel depressed and anxious and since I have stopped drinking my mental health has completely changed for the better.  Some people have responded by saying "Oh, please don't tell me you feel amazing now!" - to which my response is "But I do!" - and I mean it.

The supporters - maybe I could stop too...

A lot of people comment on how great I look now and say that I'm a good advertisement for quitting - adding "maybe I should give up too".  I don't say this in a boastful way - I think it's more a reflection of just how shit I had started to look and feel before I stopped.  When I look back at pictures of me from this time last year I feel sad for the me who was wrestling with considerable inner turmoil, whereas now I see a healthy, happy and positive person.

Me one year ago vs. me now

Other people are unbelievably encouraging and frequently tell me how they admire the choice I've made and follow my journey with interest.  I'm sure that some of them will join the sober revolution too in due course.

The justifiers - I drink because...

One of the other things I have noticed when I'm out socialising is that nine times out of ten, someone will come up to me and justify their drinking in some way, as if I am judging them (I promise I'm not) and they need to explain themselves.  They will tell me how they have cut down on their drinking recently or that they don't drink every day or that they aren't drinking a particular drink.  I suppose my stopping drinking has placed the spotlight on their relationship with alcohol and maybe they are worried about what they see.  Or perhaps now that one of the primary binge drinkers has stopped drinking, they feel slightly more conspicuous at the front of the pack.  I know I used to feel quite uncomfortable when any of my drinking buddies quit for a while.

So, how do you know when it's time to stop drinking?

Regardless of whether people are curious as to why I've stopped drinking, supportive of my choice or justifying their own drinking, maybe some of them are experiencing the same underlying anguish that gnawed away at me for a long time.  The feeling that perhaps you are alcohol dependent or an alcoholic or a problem drinker and your life is starting to be affected negatively by alcohol. But then you undertake one of those online 'Are you an alcoholic?' tests and the results are inconclusive.

Since stopping drinking I have read endless academic research and books on alcohol dependency.  I have discovered that problem drinking comes in many different guises and doesn't just fit into the stereotype of the drunk swigging Special Brew for breakfast.  The danger signs can be much less obvious.  They can be as subtle as persistent feelings of guilt after drinking or relying on a few glasses of wine to unwind each night.

Research has shown that 'there is physical dependency - the need to have alcohol to get through day-to-day life physically. Then there is psychological dependency when someone needs alcohol to cope with the everyday issues of life'. In addition 'there is a tipping point after which problem drinkers can no longer moderate their drinking'.  I believe I am fortunate enough to have caught my drinking before I reached the tipping point and before I developed a physical dependency and this has made it relatively easy for me to quit. 

If you are questioning your relationship with alcohol, then it is probably time you started to evaluate your drinking seriously.  It is important to know that being addicted or dependent on alcohol is not black or white, there are so many shades of grey.  Now as I approach 6 months alcohol free, I realise just how negatively my alcohol consumption was affecting every aspect of my life - so much more than I ever realised or had been prepared to admit.  I am so grateful I had the strength and resolve to go against the social norm and stop drinking before I passed over the tipping point and developed a physical dependency.   I believe I am one of the lucky ones who escaped in the nick of time.

The reasons why we should use positive words

For over five months now I've been alcohol-free - the longest I've gone without a drink since I first threw myself into boozing at around seventeen. I am sure one of the reasons why I have successfully managed to abstain for so long this time, has been down to my positive approach to quitting and my resolute determination.  I haven't once allowed myself to think or say out loud sentences like - "I'm going to try to stop drinking" or "I probably won't drink" - I've unwaveringly stuck to assertive language like - "I'm going to stop drinking" or "I'm not going to drink".  By eliminating words that introduce an element of doubt, I've been able to stick to my decision.  It's really helped me to understand the power of the words we choose and the direct impact they can have on our attitude and behaviour.

In Diane Setterfield's debut novel, 'The Thirteenth Tale' , she beautifully articulates: “There is something about words. In expert hands, manipulated deftly, they take you prisoner. Wind themselves around your limbs like spider silk, and when you are so enthralled you cannot move, they pierce your skin, enter your blood, numb your thoughts. Inside you they work their magic.”  She highlights how words can also be manipulated to deliver negative consequences and very often we are the authors of the toxic words that burden us with negativity, self-loathing, guilt and shame.

I recently went on holiday with a gorgeous female friend of mine.  She is a very successful business woman, kind, generous, witty and great fun to be around.  She is slim, curvy, sexy and feminine and looks a lot younger than her forty-something years.  Yet, despite all of these amazing attributes she spent a great deal of the holiday berating herself for eating, highlighting to us parts of her body she is unhappy with and declaring her intention to quit eating various foods.  The words she was using to describe herself were incredibly cruel and self-destructive and it was clear that she was making herself feel utterly miserable obsessing over her negative body image.  It was very uncomfortable listening to her as it mirrored the way in which I have been speaking to myself for decades, up until very recently. 

The issue of damaging self-talk and body loathing is certainly not limited to my friend and me - it is global. Taryn Brumfitt, the Founder of the Body Image Movement, a movement to inspire women to change the way they feel and think about their bodies, states how women "have many remarkable qualities but sadly we are often anchored down by negative thoughts that ‘sideline’ us from being all that we can be."  

Since reaping the rewards of using positive language to stay alcohol-free, coupled with the dulling of the mean girl voices that had been running wild in my head for years, I have found it much easier to adjust my internal dialogue to a far kinder one.  Without alcohol feeding the darker parts of my consciousness, I am able to focus on my positive qualities - many of which extend beyond my physical appearance.  I quite literally feel at peace with myself for the first time since I was around ten years old.  Quitting drinking and its ripple effect continue to be the gift that keeps on giving.  It has reinforced just how much words matter and how the words we choose can either lift us up or drag us down.  I'm no longer prepared to be that mean girl to myself, I finally want to make amends for all the cruel words I've used to hurt myself and hold myself back year after year after year.