High fives and hugs

If I had visited a fortune teller a year ago who had predicted that before the end of 2013 I would have walked away from my hard-fought for career to train to become an English language teacher, I would have laughed in their face and asked for my money back.  Yet, here I am, volunteering as an English support teacher at a YWCA funded kindergarten in Kowloon one morning a week, as well as preparing for my CertTESOL course starting in January.  

I have surprised myself at just how much I am enjoying my Wednesday mornings at Faith Hope Nursery School  (if you click on the link you can watch a short video filmed in the school).   Each week for three hours I have had the opportunity to unleash my inner thespian.  To the wide-eyed astonishment and amusement of the children I morph unabashed from a lion, to a monkey, to a rabbit - roaring, simultaneously scratching my head and tummy, and twitching my nose.  I delight as they mimic my exaggerated facial expressions to illustrate 'toothache'.   I see their eyes widen with pleasure as they are able to point to their knees and their feet when asked, and I love how they remember the shoulder-shrugging dance I have taught them when I ask them where their shoulders are.  Singing 'Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes' has more relevance and appeal when you know you have taught the children those words and they understand them.  Each Wednesday I leave the kindergarten with a broad smile on my face and a warm sense of accomplishment.  After I have received formal teacher training, I know I will be able to make a greater difference - right now, I am only scratching the surface.

Every week I return to Faith Hope Nursery School the children come further out of their shells.  When on day one some of the children averted their eyes and hid behind their parents legs as I arrived at the school, I am now greeted by a chorus of 'Good morning' and 'Hello Adrienne'.  The children have mastered my mouthful of a name quicker than many native English speakers I have met in my lifetime! Each week I have managed to engage more of the children in each class, and today I was thrilled to get a number of the previously mute children speaking English.  My spontaneous tactic of getting the classes to high-five me as they said goodbye last week appears to have established a little bond between us all.  This week, many of them demanded an upgrade to a goodbye hug!  

As I went and said goodbye to the headteacher today, she asked if I would be able to return to the school after Christmas - apparently they like me and think I am doing a good job.  As I will be studying full-time in January and then need to find paid employment, I have reluctantly had to say that I am unable to commit.  However, she did say that there may be a possibility of paid part-time work next year, so I will keep in touch once my volunteering finishes in December.  I would love to be able to carry on at Faith Hope Nursery School - working there is genuinely the most rewarding thing I have done in 41 years.  I hope the children are getting as much out of it as I am.

The richest people in Hong Kong

Since I have been having time out from working, David and I have had no choice but to live a more frugal existence.  For someone like me who is adept at spending money and has been known to desire the finer things in life, I thought this was going to be a great challenge.  However, over the past couple of months I have quickly learned that 1) flaunting money is futile (not that I have ever had all that much to flaunt!) 2) I can live relatively cheaply without missing out and 3) I have wasted a LOT of money over the years.

When I first moved to Hong Kong I was a little taken in by the ever-present hunger to accumulate and display wealth through wearing the right clothes and jewellery, eating in the right restaurants and holidaying in the smartest resorts.  I wanted to earn enough so I could have the odd pair of designer shoes (preferably Louboutins), to dine occasionally at a Michelin starred restaurant and to relax in five star luxury once a year or so.  I wanted to fit in and feel a part of this affluent crowd.  Since I have been here I have achieved two of the three things on the list.  Owning a pair of Louboutins when you live on a practically vertical hill is asking for a broken ankle and even I see the frivolousness in owning a pair of shoes you can only look at.

Now that we have only one income supporting the household and we have had to cut-back on everything, it is becoming more and more apparent that we are far happier living a more basic existence.  Yes, posh restaurants are nice, but you are often seated within earshot of at least one table of w**kers.  Five star resorts are picture-postcard perfect, but you miss out on an authentic experience of the country you are visiting.  As for designer clothes, well, when you are a comfortable size 14 (UK), the thought of  being turned away by a stick-thin sniffy shop assistant for being too large, puts me off even passing through the entrance of such clothes shops.

So, as flashing the cash has been put on the back-burner for David and me, the changes we have had to make to live a more frugal existence have included:

1)  I have only bought one item of clothing (and it cost less than HK$250/£20) in the past three months.
2)  I have found a hairdresser that is half the price of the one I was visiting (only HK$860/£70 for cut and highlights).  NB I would have to be completely broke before I gave up getting my hair coloured!
3) I will never shop for more than a day in advance - this prevents us from having to throw away things we don't get round to eating.
4)  Meat is a treat.  Eggs, veg, rice, bread and pasta are our staples.
5)  I have reverted to my student style drinking - pints of lager and lime.... cheaper and lasts longer than anything else.  Not very lady-like but who's judging?
5)  If I crave a cocktail, I will find a Happy Hour serving a lychee martini for HK$30/£2.40
6)  If we eat out, we will choose a budget restaurant.
7)  We spend much more time at home together, playing cards and talking/fighting depending on who is winning cards.
8)  Sometimes we just have to say, "We're sorry but we can't afford to do that"

We have had to adjust our lives and I can hand on heart say that these changes have in no way detracted from our enjoyment.  In fact, right now, life in Hong Kong is the best it has ever been for us.
Each day, I become more and more convinced that this ever-present quest for wealth is futile - no matter how much you strive to earn, it is never enough. Life is far richer when you are surrounded by close friends and family who love you, care for you and don't judge you for what you have and don't have.  I guess that makes David and I the richest people in Hong Kong.

Airing my dirty laundry

As anyone who reads my blog regularly will know, I have been engaged in some fairly intensive soul searching during my time in Hong Kong - trying to define what will give me the direction and purpose I feel I have lost somewhere along the way.  Over the past month I have been seeing a cognitive behavioural therapist who has been helping to guide me through the process of finding calm, peace, acceptance and to rediscover my bearings.  I know for many of us 'stiff upper lip' Brits, the concept of airing our dirty laundry to anyone - let alone a stranger - is very un-British and we would rather sweep our issues under the carpet and drown them in alcohol.  For me, it was a case of desperate times call for desperate measures, plus drowning my issues in alcohol was only exacerbating the problem!

I was introduced to a number of techniques and ideas that have really helped me to get to where I am today - content, calm and back on track.  Besides keeping a thought diary to help me change my negative thought patterns, and meditation to calm my overactive mind, my therapist suggested that I may find it useful to write down my feelings.  I don't think she anticipated I would share those feelings and publish them for anyone to see on my blog - neither did I for that matter.  However this has proven to be the most cathartic and productive part of the process and I want to thank all of you who have 'liked' my blogs, posted supportive comments and directly emailed me.  You have all played a fundamental role in this mending process.

One of the hardest blogs to write was 'Finding my Baby' as it was so deeply personal and revealing and I had to muster up considerable courage to press the 'publish' button.  From the staggering response I received in my inbox, it is evident that many of us feel that life has not dealt us the hand we had hoped for and some element is missing.  As one of my friends wrote “It is a bugger that human nature makes us focus on what we do not have instead of the joy of what we have”.   Revealing my heartbreak and vulnerability helped me discover that I am not alone.  This has provided me with an overwhelming sense of relief, as well as faith that I can start to move on.

I have recently watched Brene Brown's TED Talk on 'The Power of Vulnerability' which discusses her extensive research into courage, shame and vulnerability.  Her research has revealed that connection is what brings meaning to people's lives.  In order to connect we have to fully embrace our vulnerabilities,  have the courage to reveal our imperfections, let go of who we think we should be and accept who we are.  Her words resonate with me - I have had the courage to tell my story on my blog with my whole heart and am reaping the rewards.  

Before I left the UK, I announced to my friends that I was starting a blog when I moved to Hong Kong.  My friend Carly, author of the blog Covet.Collect.Connect, was very encouraging, pointing out that I never knew what writing a blog could lead to.  In Carly's case her blog has led to the opening of her own shop - an extension of her Covet.Collect.Connect brand.  Never ever would I have thought my blog could help me get through a very difficult period in my life and allow me to connect so deeply with so many people - but it has.