The shock of culture shock

Before I moved to Hong Kong I spent many a sleepless night dream scheming my new life in Asia.  I read a lot about culture shock but naively I brushed it aside believing that I was worldly and adaptable and it would not be an issue I would encounter.  Besides, I know lots of people who have relocated abroad over the years, and never once have I had a conversation with them, or seen a single post on Facebook, to indicate that they are, or have, suffered from culture shock.  In fact the photographs of smiling faces, stunning locations, blue skies, sunshine, exotic beaches and snow capped mountains would suggest that life beyond the UK shores is nothing but an idyllic adventure.

The shock of the bad news we received from the UK a couple of weeks ago, combined with a tough start to my new job, toppled me from my smug high-ground and I have been descending fast into a pit of anxiety, loneliness, sadness, irritability and depression.  Silently I find myself hoping that I have hit the bottom and it is time to start finding a way out.  Having tried to understand and analyse why I feel the way I do it is clear that I am deep in the throws of culture shock.  This was not meant to happen to me - I'm open-minded and culturally sensitive.  I have lived and worked abroad before and never experienced this intense combination of emotions dragging me down to a place I don't want to be.

My culture shock is all encompassing and it sends ripples out to all those close to me.  I have never been very good at masking my emotions.  I wear my heart on my sleeve and what you see is what you get.  The result being that when I'm up, I'm great fun to be around but when I'm down I have a tendency to drag down with me those I love and care for the most.  I am very lucky to have David as a husband.  He is one of the most cheerful people I know and he can always see the positive in every situation.  I have no doubt that he felt the 'honeymoon phase' passing and 'the honeymoon is over phase' kicking in.  I suspect that being the person he is, he suffered in silence, put a big smile on his face, and just knuckled down and got on with his new life.  I, on the other hand, have been extremely tearful, dwelling on my emotions and over-analysing what I can do to overcome this culture shock.  However, despite feeling like withdrawing from the world, I have started to set in place some coping mechanisms to see me through this phase and on to the 'all's well and everything's OK phase'.

I am working hard to build a support network of friends around me here in Hong Kong.  Two girlfriends here in particular, have very patiently listened to me articulate my feelings and buoyed me up with their invaluable advice.  I have signed up to a number of Meet-Up groups and last Wednesday I took myself off to a pub quiz with an eclectic group of strangers and surprised myself with my contribution in the music round with my immense knowledge of song lyrics.  Everyone was incredibly welcoming and it was a great comfort to talk to an American guy who completely empathised with my feelings and reassured me that it will pass.  Last weekend I was very happy to receive a friend request on Facebook from an old school friend who I was unaware lives in Hong Kong and we plan to meet up when she returns from a holiday in the UK.  And today I have been contacted by a girl who has recently relocated from Shanghai to Hong Kong suggesting we meet up for a drink.  As my support network builds, I have no doubt that this minor set-back will pass and life will become easier to deal with.

I am determined to fight this culture shock hard and beat it quickly. Thank you to all those who have born the brunt of my negative emotions and in particular my amazing husband and my long-suffering parents.

My Winnie who I miss soooo much

Welcome to London on speed

Now that I am working I am no longer an observer of Hong Kong life but I am an active participant.  Hong Kong is a city packed with locals and foreigners committed to working extremely hard to improve their status and the health of their bank accounts.  One in seven people living on Hong Kong island is classified as a high net worth individual and their wealth is evident every single day from the countless designer shops, the flash cars and chauffeur driven people carriers, the luxurious properties and the sharply dressed business men and women.  It is difficult not to be sucked into aspiring to owning that Cartier watch, dressing in head to toe Chanel, clutching a Hermes bag and wearing genuine Louboutins.  Now that I am working here, I realise that these things do not come without certain sacrifices.

The population of Hong Kong works hard.  I thought agency life in London was tough and often we had to rearrange our personal lives to get things completed to deadlines set by demanding clients.  Hong Kong is London on speed.  I have never had to learn so much - including cultural differences, the asian market, and the company's way of doing things - while at the same time just getting on with business, juggling a number of different demands and hitting challenging timelines.  I see more of the office and my colleagues each week than I do of my husband.  However, this is the reality of working in Hong Kong.  If you want to improve your status and earn the money, you have to put in the hours.  Nothing will be handed to you on a plate and it is a competitive market - if you aren't prepared to do it, someone else will be. 

The issue with working the long hours is that you have to have a way of letting off steam and releasing the stress.  Suddenly the endless bright flashing lights advertising foot massages and the numerous lavender scented pampering spas make sense.  At the same time the rows and rows of bars lining the escalator no longer appear to be sociable hangouts for the weekends but more like a daily provider of medicinal support.  

It has become clear that this is a 'no pain, no gain' culture.  Without a doubt the money is here and Hong Kong offers the opportunity for you chase your dream, but you will have to work hard for it.    I found a blog that sums up my current feelings towards Hong Kong rather well:

"What’s the great lesson that this culture and these people seem to be teaching me? Push harder? Run or get out of the way? Eat or be eaten?  Maybe Hong Kong is trying to tell me that the world waits for no one and if you want to be a part of it, stay on top of it – stay in the line.  Or does it say that all of this insane pressure lands you the same place as everyone else – wanting more?"

Too far away from home

When David and I were making our decision to move to Hong Kong, one of the factors that affected our final choice was that both our parents are fit and healthy, and we believed that we should have a good window to be out of the country before we may be needed back home in the UK.  Having said that my mother had pointed out before I left that although I would be very good at arranging the logistics, financials and practicalities of care - I would perhaps be lacking in the cuddly, fluffy, compassionate element of it!  She feels that my brothers may be better qualified to provide empathy, patience and benevolence than me - and I can't really argue with that particularly when I see how they are with their children.

During our relocation, it had frequently crossed my mind that at some point we would receive a bad news call, and that would be the moment when the reality of our distance from home would strike.  Perhaps unsurprisingly, I had always felt that that call would be related to our parents, as they are the oldest generation alive in both David and my family.  At the same time, I didn't anticipate receiving this type of call for a good long while after arriving here, once we were established and truly settled in.

Therefore we were staggered and shaken to receive a bad news call this week about a very close friend.   Suddenly the distance that superficially diminishes due to FaceTime, Skype and Facebook - opened up like an infinite chasm.  David and I felt utterly cast adrift from where we want to be, supporting our friend and her husband, face to face, back home.  All at once the reality of being an expat loses its shine, and the implications of our decision to move 6,000 miles away from friends and family seems selfish and reckless.

I can only hope that despite the distance we are able to prop up our friend and her husband remotely and technology will help to close the gap that physically separates us.  While, in the words of my mother, I'm useless at the fluffy, caring, compassionate stuff - I am hoping that humour and wit will suffice.  Above all we are going to stay positive that our lovely friend will fight hard - and if anyone can fight hard, she can - to reach her goal of visiting us in Hong Kong in November.